I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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