great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
