By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
