You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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