I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
