I'm gonna have a badass scar
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
