ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
