I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
