jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
