So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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