Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
