"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
