Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
