Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
