So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
