I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
