I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
