I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
