nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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