no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
