Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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