May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
