Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
