Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize