Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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