my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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