i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
