wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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