Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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