There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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