at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
