True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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