i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Welp...herpes.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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