yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
