she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
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Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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