And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
