Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
