apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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