He uses pillows to masturbate.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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