Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
