We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
