It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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