Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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