Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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