Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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