Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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