I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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