I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
