Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
