Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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