smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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