And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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