just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
