hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
bring money and cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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