I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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