What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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