he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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