New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
