They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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