Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
