And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
It's Friday. Sex?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
