Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize