I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
