Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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