my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
