the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
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Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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