he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
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