My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
