They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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