Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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